Over the weekend, when I thought I was pregnant, one thought was going through my mind. When we got our positive pregnancy test last November, we celebrated our victory. We had beaten the odds. We were pregnant without having to go through any treatments. We were going to be parents. We were going to have our family. This time, I realized that just getting pregnant was only one point in the match, and victory was not guaranteed. When I was diagnosed with cervical incompetence in March, it wasn’t the first time I had every heard the term. In fact, I felt pretty confident that I understood the diagnosis. I knew the treatment was a cerclage. I assumed that once the procedure was successfully completed, the pregnancy would be saved and that would be that. The procedure was successful, and I was sent home without any specific instructions. I assumed I should “take it easy;” but the words “bed rest” were never uttered. It wasn’t until a few days later that I saw my OB/GYN and she told me that I should be on bed rest. I asked if I could go on outings if I used a wheelchair, and she okayed it. That weekend, I went to a baby shower. I mostly stayed seated, but I also got up a couple of times to get myself a snack. On Monday, I went to the laundromat with my mother. I insisted that she allow me to help out with some of the carrying, and with the folding. I walked back and forth to the car from the condo and to the laundromat from the car. On Tuesday, my membranes ruptured. I’ve since learned that a cerclage is generally only effective if you already know about the cervical incompetence and the procedure is done BEFORE the combined weight of baby, placenta and amniotic fluid begin to put pressure on the cervix. Generally, this is done between weeks 12 and 14. I’ve also learned that even with a prior diagnosis and a preventative cerclage it is best to avoid undue strain on the cervix, which includes strenuous activities – like running or yoga in early pregnancy, and walking or standing as the pregnancy progresses and the baby, placenta and amniotic fluid gets heavier. And, I’ve learned that even with all these measures – cerclage, taking it easy in early weeks/months, bed rest in later weeks/months – the odds are not fantastic for a smooth pregnancy. An incompetent cervix means every pregnancy is a high risk pregnancy. There’s a (very lazy) part of me that is not even remotely upset to find out that exercise is best avoided. I hate exercising. On the other hand, I hate the idea that when we are finally lucky enough to have a positive pregnancy test we won’t be breathing a sigh of relief, but rather will be taking a HUGE gulp of air before holding our breath for up to 40 weeks – and that’s wishful thinking, because the truth is we will be lucky to make it to 36 weeks.

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